Nitwit. Blubber. Oddment. Tweak.

はじめまして。

http://www.rappler.com/world/regions/us-canada/69726-emma-watson-gender-equality?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=referral

I don’t know if that link will work. But here’s another reason why Emma Watson is amazing. She talks of feminism in the right way. She doesn’t bash males or take things to the extreme. She is always so eloquent and tasteful when presenting such ideas, and I think if you want to bring people over to your cause that behaving in such a way as her… Well, it would make it a lot easier for someone to want to follow you as opposed to someone who is always on an aggressive defense and ready to attack.

Also, got to hang with some goats today.

Also, got to hang with some goats today.

Fall decor for the porch is now up, thanks to my mom.

Fall decor for the porch is now up, thanks to my mom.

Well, I’ve surpassed 1,000 views on my blog in less than a month. Not too shabby. I just realized that I didn’t put the google analytics tracker on my blog until August 26, but I started my blog about a week before that. Who knows if I had any traffic that first week or not. 

That’s pretty good, though, right? I have no idea what your numbers should look like when trying to grow your blog following. I honestly don’t know anything about blogging. I know I should keep consistent, and stay true to who I am. Which I think I’m doing so far. Well, I like to post on Tuesdays but I didn’t get to post this past Tuesday. I am posting today, though. So this week was a little off, but I’ll get back on track next week.

I really need a program like photoshop, but simple. And free. I have photoshop and I hate it. Mainly because I don’t know how to use it and trying to learn how to use it is so frustrating for me. It feels like a waste of time. I’m not wanting to touch up my photos a whole lot, I just need to brighten them and sometimes put them together. SIGH. I don’t know which program to use that won’t be incredibly disappointing.

Right now Andy is the one helping me edit my pictures, but he’s way too busy with his online Harvard classes that I feel so much guilt asking for his help. I know no one reads this particular blog so there’s no point in asking for suggestions.

I’ve googled it and the best answer is to use gimp.org, so eh. 

The main reason I continue to use this blog is because people of tumblr are hilarious. I love scrolling through my feed and stumbling upon all the funny conversations people have, or seeing all the memes. I mean, I can see all of this on imgur, but tumblr just feels different. Also, I like posting about my own life on here from time to time, because no one reads it, and I do occasionally hop back on here and read through the last few years of my life. I have a terrible memory, so it’s nice to get back on and read and be like, “Oh yeah, I did do that!” 

Moving on.

It is chilly out today. It’s been chilly all week. I am loving it. But I need new clothes, especially for fall/winter. I’ve been bagging up practically my entire closet of clothes to donate. I haven’t donated clothes in, well, uhhh, I don’t think I’ve ever donated clothes. I have clothes from 10 years ago in my closet. That I haven’t worn in around 9 years. By the time I’m finished bagging them I will have around 15 bags of clothes to donate. And if I’m going to be honest here, a lot of them I cannot fit into anymore. A lot. Almost all of them. So I need some new clothes… mainly for work. I am tired of wearing the same blouses and slacks to work every week. Hey, I do wash them, but it makes me feel gross wearing the same things week to week. Anyway, it’s nice cleaning out my closet… wow, I have so much room without all those clothes on the racks. I could camp out in there now. 

I think after work today I’ll go to Cato’s. Yeah. I like Cato’s. I usually find a few things here and there and their clothing is super affordable. Tomorrow I should be receiving in the mail my first ever clothing subscription. It’s like birchbox or ipsy, but with clothes. Designer clothes, oh la la. It’s $45/month and they send you 5 outfits that you can mix/match, you hang onto them for a month, then you mail them back to get more new clothes OR buy them at a discount. I know $45/mo seems expensive, but for these brands of clothes I would be lucky to buy one thong for that price… let alone 5 outfits. And they’re all office appropriate clothing. Which is what I need. Ha. I’m really excited, but also nervous that I didn’t take the right measurements of my deformed body and that none of the clothes will fit. WE SHALL SEE. 

Right now I am suffering from a benadryl hangover. I’m not mad about it. Mostly because I can actually breathe out of my nose for the first time in a month. I think I’m starting to develop allergies to my dogs. Speaking of developing allergies, my eye doctor thinks I’m developing allergies to my contact lenses, and that is why my contacts hurt my eyes every time I wear them. He said eventually one day it will hurt so badly I won’t be able to wear them at all. NEAT. Now I’m really considering lasic eye surgery… but my prescription can’t change for more than a year in order to qualify, and so far that hasn’t happened. I just had my eyes checked this past December, and then again in August, and guess what… they got worse. As usual. It’s about right at the 6 month mark I need my eyes checked. I’ve read that your eye sight should become more stable at the age of 26, but I’m almost 27 now and that doesn’t seem to be the case for me. I don’t mind wearing glasses all that much, but it sure was nice when I was able to sleep in contacts and wake up with clear vision and not fumble around looking for my glasses that I knocked off my night stand. 

Then again, I am terrified of lasic eye surgery. I know I would be that one person who would have a panic attack during the whole 2 minute procedure, break the head straps restraining me and end up with a laser going right through my face. Yeah. I’m scared. I think I would rather go through my spine surgery and 2 month recovery period again… that is how scared I am of lasic eye surgery. Ugh.

Well. That was a bunch of nonsense. Time to go.

I’m having a really ‘off’ day today. Everything is making me want to cry and/or punch a hole in the wall. It could be because my jacked up menstrual cycle hasn’t happened in I don’t know how long, since I gave up on attempting to keep track of it. That’s probably the main reason. I could be about to start my period seeing as how I’m going through all the PMS signs, buuuuuuut I’ve been PMSing for 2 weeks now and… nothing. As usual. This really messes with my emotional state, though. 

And no, birth control doesn’t help. I was on it for 5 years. And I am over birth control pills. Over it.

Has any one ever left you a comment via social media that just rubbed you the wrong way and stuck with you all day? Yeah, well that recently happened to me. I’m stuck between wanting to cry angry tears and wanting to take a hammer to my walls. Neither of which I’ll do. Instead I’ll just sit here and stare blankly into space until my brain erases the memory of this comment. 

Sigh, but it will always be deep within me, chipping away at my self-esteem. It always has been. It’s the same recurring comments I’ve received for most of my life. 

Nothing about me is good enough. Essentially, that is what the comments mean, when reading between the lines. Emotional abuse disguised as constructive criticism to the rest of the world, but I know it is not. Not after dealing with it for nearly 27 years. 

I’m so pathetic that I can never stand up for myself and say, enough. I am allowed to love myself for who I am. I am allowed to love myself even if my hair looks like a pile of steaming dog crap. I’m allowed to love myself even if I gain 50 pounds. I’m allowed to love myself even if I’m “just a secretary.” 

No, I’ve never been able to stand up for myself. And I think this is the reason why I’ve never had any self-confidence whatsoever.

Sigh.

I’ll be honest here and say that’s the main reason I put off starting my beauty blog for nearly 2 years… I was scared of not looking pretty enough. I was scared of one hair being out of place. I was scared that my clothes wouldn’t be ‘chic’ enough. The fear of other people criticizing me the way I have always been criticized my entire life. 

But you know what I’ve found? No one has criticized me. People who care about me, and people who don’t even know me, have been so kind and encouraging. 

Yet I still fight with my inner self on a daily basis, on how I am not good enough to continue doing a beauty blog, even if it’s only for a hobby. 

I hope to God one day I can break free of the clutches, stand up for myself, and say… no more. I will not let you control my emotions and self-esteem any longer. 

What is wrong with me.

Risu is the prettiest corgi.

Risu is the prettiest corgi.

Wow. I just checked my blog traffic stats, and in less than a month I have over 600 views from literally all over the world. How neat is that? That’s really decent for having just started out.

I’m having a lot of fun doing this blog, especially since my husband is basically the president of it. Haha. All I do is put on the makeup and pose for a picture that he takes. He will edit my photos as well if it needs to be done, but for the most part we try not to edit them so they’re more ‘real’. My hope is that it will make me more relate-able. 

My husband also designs the site. It’s still a work in progress, but it’s slowly coming together! 

Eventually I’ll move on to pictorials, then actual youtube tutorials. I dread the cruel comments I’ll undoubtedly receive from youtubers, but I think I can trudge through it. I hope.

mishmoshmakeup:

Today’s makeup. I used the #laneige BB Cushion, Flower creme blush, #loracunzipped palette, and #rimmel lipstick in Let’s Get Naked. And of course, #anastasia brows. #cosmetics #bblogger #whatshot

mishmoshmakeup:

Today’s makeup. I used the #laneige BB Cushion, Flower creme blush, #loracunzipped palette, and #rimmel lipstick in Let’s Get Naked. And of course, #anastasia brows. #cosmetics #bblogger #whatshot

mishmoshmakeup:

For game day I’m wearing green for Marshall University! What are your school’s colors? #motd #fotd #eotd #marshall #smashbox #nofilter

mishmoshmakeup:

For game day I’m wearing green for Marshall University! What are your school’s colors? #motd #fotd #eotd #marshall #smashbox #nofilter

mishmoshmakeup:

New post on the blog: No-makeup makeup. This is a hard one for me to put out there, you all. Link is in my bio! #bblogger #makeupaddict #cosmetics #motd #beautytrends

http://www.mishmoshmakeup.com 

mishmoshmakeup:

New post on the blog: No-makeup makeup. This is a hard one for me to put out there, you all. Link is in my bio! #bblogger #makeupaddict #cosmetics #motd #beautytrends

http://www.mishmoshmakeup.com 

Uh, I have a lot of Halloween decor. I won’t spam you with all of it, but this is a new addition.

Uh, I have a lot of Halloween decor. I won’t spam you with all of it, but this is a new addition.

Enjoy Harry Potter with me. 
“Troll! In the dungeon!”

Enjoy Harry Potter with me. “Troll! In the dungeon!”

Mantle decorated for Halloween. Watching Harry Potter. Making a vegan Thanksgiving casserole. IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAAAAR.

Mantle decorated for Halloween. Watching Harry Potter. Making a vegan Thanksgiving casserole. IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAAAAR.

mishmoshmakeup:

New post on the blog: Plum lip. Link in my bio! #nofilter #lotd #motd #plumlip #beautytrends #makeup

Yeah, so I’m not sure if I even have people following me on this tumblr account, but I have a new makeup blog. http://www.mishmoshmakeup.comormishmoshmakeup.tumblr.com 

mishmoshmakeup:

New post on the blog: Plum lip. Link in my bio! #nofilter #lotd #motd #plumlip #beautytrends #makeup

Yeah, so I’m not sure if I even have people following me on this tumblr account, but I have a new makeup blog. 

http://www.mishmoshmakeup.com
or
mishmoshmakeup.tumblr.com